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The Quintessential Q
Chapter Sixty Eight
No Angel
Johnny rubs the back of his neck. The last of the staff had left for the evening. Unlike any Thursday on record this one had gone on forever. The final customers had drug it out until 2am closing. The Kitchen staff had left at midnight, leaving him and a couple of wait staff to finish up. If it had anything to do with the restaurant then he might have cared but it had all been about his guest upstairs. The second shift of cops had come in at eleven and dined well before leaving at closing. There had even been a plethora of bad suits and resoled shoes-- FBI. Carly and AJ had left at a decent hour but that was only because Michael had been with them. Jerry and Bobbie had left later. There had been a bunch of table hopping going on. Folks were having dinner at one table and dessert at another as the gossip made it's way around the room. Jason and Sonny had even dropped by but Jason decided to not go upstairs after Johnny told him that Emily was asleep.
Asleep. Upstairs. In his Bed. But not before she had called down to the kitchen just after her grandparents had left. Called to remind him to give Edward decaf coffee after dinner and to slip Reggie some sweets to dole out to Edward the next day. Like he didn't already know, or wouldn't have taken care of it. Johnny turns off most of the lights in the front after doing a final walk through and testing all the locks. As he goes out the back hallway by the restrooms, he checks that the back door is locked as well and sets the security system. He pauses at the foot of the stairs and looks up.
Asleep. Upstairs. In his bed. "I'm a sick bastard." Johnny mutters. This is nothing like his fantasies and they had been many and varied. The only thing this situation had in common with them was that Emily is asleep, upstairs, in his bed. The girl was only here because she had been kidnapped, abused, had a busted foot, was trying to hide her drug withdrawal from her grandparents and the press. This was no romantic evening not by any stretch of the imagination. Em just needed a safe place. After being there for Rita, he owed her that much. A safe place. Just a safe place.
Asleep. Upstairs. In his bed. Like a twisted refrain it kept rolling through his brain. Johnny pushes it back and climbs the stairs. Once inside the apartment he glances around. There is no sign really of Em's presence. Then he sees her crutches leaning against the couch. Frowning, he wonders how she got from there to bed. She wasn't suppose to use that foot at all. He picks up the crutches and carries them to the bedroom where the dim light reveals the curled up girl in his bed. With strict resolve he turns away and goes to the dresser. He opens a package containing a set of PJ's. A present from Ma. She's a firm believer in not flashing the goodies to the fire department in the middle of the night. Johnny didn't have the heart to tell her he hung onto the gift just in case he ever landed in the hospital.
Asleep. In his bed. Johnny swiftly exits the room and goes into the bathroom for an ice cold shower. The stinging, freezing spray does nothing but wake him up. Not a place he wants to be right now. He switches over to a steamy spray scrubbing off the smells of the restaurant and the day. He could stay in here all night. The water heater's hooked up to the restaurant; it's huge. Finally he climbs from the shower. He reaches for a towel to dry off and swears. It smells like Em, her shampoo. He grabs a towel from under the cabinet. Half a second from taking his second cold shower, "I've got to get this under control." Johnny mutters. He dries off and climbs into the fine cotton bottoms loosely tying them low on his hips. Johnny wraps the towel around his shoulders brushing the last drops of water from his hair and walks back into the living room, through there to the kitchen fridge, opening it up he grabs the bottle of wine there and pours himself a glass. Knowing that sleep would not come easy, he downs the glass with none of the respect due the vintage and pours another glass. He goes back into the living room and looking over his CD collection selects one and puts it on low.
i didn't hear you leave, i wonder how am i still here
i don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory
oh i am what i am, i'll do what i want, but i can't hide
i won't go, i won't sleep, i can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
Johnny groans. This is worse than listening to the radio. He clicks to the next song on the CD.
with one light on in one room,
i know you're up when i get home
with one small step upon the stair,
i know your look when i get there
if you were a king up there on your throne,
would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own?
Deciding that there's going to be something in every song... it was just that kind of night, Johnny makes a fire in the fireplace and settles back on the couch after grabbing some blankets from the hall closet.
...i hope you've found that
all you want, is right here in that room, all you want
all you need is sitting there with you, all you want
i'd like to watch you sleep at night, to hear you breathe by my side
Johnny hears a whimper from the bedroom and a restless motion of a disturbed sleep. Tossing the blankets aside he softly pads to the bedroom. Maybe she would get back to sleep on her own, maybe the nightmare would end. When it shows no sign of abating he sits down next to Emily. He takes her hand in his and with the other brushes her hair back. "Shh Honey. You're okay. You're safe. I'm right here." Emily's breathing deepens and the worry lines on her forehead ease. She settles into an easier rest.
...push the door, i'm home at last and i'm soaking through and through
then you handed me a towel and all i see is you
and even if my house falls down now, i wouldn't have a clue
because you're near me and
i want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life
Johnny tries to pull his hand away from Emily, letting her sleep. Her grip on him tightens and she wakes.
"Johnny."
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you. You were just having a nightmare."
"Wow. Big surprise there, right?" Em knows she should let go of his hand but just can't. "I'm suppose to be ticked at you. I was before all this happened."
"That's not important anymore." Johnny brushes Em's hair back again. "I should let you sleep."
"Don't leave me okay. I really don't want to be alone. I can't be alone right now." Johnny nods and climbs on top of the bed next to Emily. He gathers her close. She presses her cheek against his bare chest. The comforting thump of his heartbeat sets a matching rhythm to her own.
i just want to feel safe in my own skin, i just want to be happy again
i just want to feel deep in my own world
but i'm so lonely i don't even want to be with myself anymore
on a different day, if i was safe in my own skin, then i wouldn't feel lost and so
frightened
but this is today and i'm lost in my own skin
and i'm so lonely i don't even want to be with myself anymore
i just want to feel safe in my own skin, i just want to be happy again
Emily presses a kiss to the middle of Johnny's chest. Her hand slides along his rib cage in a delicate fashion that sets shivers going down his spine.
"Jesus, Em." Johnny groans. "You're going to kill me here. We shouldn't... You don't mean..."
Emily draws back pulling away from Johnny. "You're right; we shouldn't. I mean I don't know what they did to me... if it was just drugs or..."
Johnny pulls her back against him and brushes a hand over her lips shushing her. "Not that. Hell, there are ways around that if you're worried about your safety or mine. I'm no angel. I just don't want you to have any regrets in the morning."
Emily gets tangled in the covers but finally works herself free to straddle Johnny. She frames his face with her hands. In the dim light she studies him gauging his sincerity. If this was a mercy fuck she wanted no part of it.
touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking,
take my hand and show me where we're going
lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me,
oh tell me what you're seeing
so sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling,
what you feel now is what i feel for you
take my hand and if i'm lying to you,
i'll always be alone, if i'm lying to you
Johnny's hands settle on Emily's waist. He meets her gaze evenly, openly, honestly. This wasn't the best situation. Hell the whole thing sucked. But truthfully, Em's motives are more suspect than his own. He'd been dreaming about this for ages. If he was being straight with himself even before the parent's wedding. Em was the one that didn't want to be alone right now, who was in a state of upheaval.
"You want this." Emily says confidently brushing her fingertips over Johnny's face. Johnny answers by pulling her to him grinding her against his pelvis answering Emily's question nonverbally before answering.
"That's not the issue. I can want you, need you like air but that doesn't mean we have to do anything about it. I don't have to make love to you tonight to be with you in the morning-- to stay with you now."
"And if I want more?"
see my eyes, they carry your reflection,
watch my lips and hear the words i'm telling you
give your trust to me and look into my heart and show me,
show me what you're doing
so sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling,
what you feel now is what i feel for you
take my hand and if i'm lying to you,
i'll always be alone, if i'm lying to you
take your time, if i'm lying to you,
Emily unbuttons the flannel top of her pajamas. Beneath it is a skinny little tank that cups her breasts and bares her midriff. Johnny slides his hands beneath the parted top bringing his hands up her back from the waist to her shoulder blades drawing Emily closer and closer. She rests her arms on his shoulders lacing her fingers together behind his head. With care, Johnny initiates a kiss, softly...gently...waiting.
Emily parts her lips and tastes Johnny's lips, his tongue.
i know you'll find that you believe me, you believe me
feel the sun on your face and tell me what you're thinking
catch the snow on your tongue and show me how it tastes
take my hand and if i'm lying to you, i'll always be alone,
if i'm lying to you take your time, if i'm lying to you,
i know you'll find that you believe me, you believe
me